Helping Our Senior Loved Ones – Organizing One Step At A Time.

Are you are caregiver for a loved one who is aging?

Have you noticed that “things” are accumulating more in their living space?  Have you tried to get them to do something about it?  Have you tried to do something about it yourself (like throw things away)?

If so, you are just like thousands of people caring for their loved ones.  It can be a challenging and daunting venture.

I have personally been involved in the downsizing, moving, and continued care of multiple family members (including becoming a co-guardian for a family friend with dementia).  In some cases it has taken as much as 5 years to help them make a transition.

A family member experience this past weekend reminded me of the important role that we can play.  I am sharing about my weekend experience and providing 10 Things to Remember When Organizing For Our Senior Loved Ones.

A family member had contacted me stating that their spouse was struggling with household papers.  Struggling so much as to now have bags and piles of papers accumulating in assorted rooms throughout the house.  For many of us as we get older, this is a normal occurrance, especially when cognitive function decreases or dementia begins to occur – even if just slightly.

My husband and I – going to visit the family member anyhow – decided to take a few filing supplies and banker’s boxes with us – just in case the opportunity to help presented itself.  We were skeptical based upon passed experience with this person – but we went prepared none-the-less.

The topic of helping sort papers was posed delicately and in the most receptive manner we could think of.  To our surprise – the family member agreed to our help and the sorting and purging of papers began.  5 hours and 4 boxes of shredding later – new files had been created and the family member was very appreciative of the help.

We were feeling honored  by having been able to help.  We were delighted that our family member could now be more comfortable (and hopefully more succesful) managing new papers that would arrive in the coming days / months.

Here are some things to keep in mind when helping our senior loved ones:

1. REMAIN POSITIVE & POSE OPTIONS:  When planning to help – go prepared – but don’t get discouraged if it isn’t their day to move forward in the area that you wanted to help with.  Let them know there is no pressure.
2. ONE THING AT A TIME / SHORT SESSIONS:  Do one small thing at a time.  When working with our loved one we sorted only one or two bags / piles at  time.  Then we got another one and sorted it.  This way our family member didn’t feel overwhelmed by seeing it all at once.  Also, plan short work sessions – the 5 hour session was extremely unusual for us.  Typically a 1 or 2 hour session would be advised.  Plan to visit multiple times to get larger projects completed.
3. RESPECT:  Always respect the person – even if you don’t agree with them.  Always let them know that you appreciate and respect that it is their home (not yours) and you just want to help them be able to be safe and be able to function in it effectively.
4. ACCEPT:  Don’t expect them to be “logical.”  As aging occurs for some people, their ability to think logically and rationally as they did in the past may no longer exist.  What you see as a problem may not even be seen by them.
5. PLANT SEEDS:  Start today to plant seeds for an effective relationship – find small ways to help (make a call about a medical bill, help them renew a license plate, wash a few dishes, etc.).  If they get used to seeing you help in small ways (with no ulterior motives attached) – they may be more receptive when a bigger task needs to be done or a discussion about moving needs to occur.
6. BE IN THEIR SHOES:  Know that the task of downsizing / moving is an overwhelming task for the majority of seniors.  When given a choice – most people would prefer to NOT MOVE.  So, let your loved one know that your goal is to Help Them Stay in their home as long as possible and as long as it can be safe.  In order to do that specific things need to be done. 
7. EDUCATE YOURSELF:  Learn as much as you can about aging and the mental and physical changes it can cause.   Things such as depression, physical illness, and grief can all change a person’s ability to manage simple everyday tasks.
8. GET DUCKS IN A ROW:  Even if you can’t help with reducing quantities of “stuff.”  Assist your loved one with getting a “Medical Emergency” kit created.  Pull together (in one file drawer or binder) necessary information such as insurance coverage details, doctor contacts, Medical Power of Attorney, Financial Power of Attorney, a Will, a Living Trust, etc.  This allows you to “grab it and go” should your loved one go to the hospital unexpectedly.
9. GET HELP:  seek the counsel and advice of professionals in their area who may be able to help.  This might include an elder care attorney, a cleaning company, a handyperson, a professional organizer, a yard care company, a senior care support  group, or members of their church.  Help is often abundant, yet; because we haven’t needed it before, we don’t know it is available.
10. BE PATIENT & BE READY:  Despite all of your best efforts, you may not be able to help your loved one in the manner that you desire.  Regardless of this, be ready and have a plan in place for the day you are called upon suddenly to care for them due to illness or accident. 

There is not a more important role in life than caring for those we love.  This includes our older family members.  If often includes working with them at a time when they may be struggling the most and may even be the most difficult to work with.  If we can remain patient, understanding, and open we can help them make changes gracefully and effectively.